You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
