the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
