is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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