Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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