your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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