What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
