I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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