Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
