New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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