i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
