my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
