so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
