I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
