We won't sleep together?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
