i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
