So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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