forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
