Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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