My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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