good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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