evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
