And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
