dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
