i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we should paint friendship bongs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
