how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
