dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
