Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
