Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
