I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
