Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
