I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
