Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
