The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
