mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
