I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
