just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
