in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
