It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
