just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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