just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
