census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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