somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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