dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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