It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
