I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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