dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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