I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
