Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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