I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
