He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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