Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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