My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
