I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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