He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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